No one can’t give you a definitive answer. If that is the best you can present, go for it and hope for the best.
To the best of my knowledge, there isn’t a recommendation letter template as such. Of the recommendation letters I got, there were some common parts:
- About the referrer - roughly half a page
- How I know the candidate
- Crux of the recommendation - talking about what I did, how I did it and how it benefitted the company. This was obviously the biggest section. In my case, some were descriptive, while others used numbers and stats.
- Closing remarks recommending why I would be an asset to UK and why the referee recommends me to TechNation.
Does that help?